I am both amazed and distressed by how much stuff I have accumulated over the span of my life, and in particular, over these past four years. As if my room at home was not full of stuff, I spent most of college filling extra space, and now, trying to fit it all into my bedroom at 6 Hall Street, I just can't do it.
What's more is that I don't use most of what I have. I possess enough t-shirts from various events that I could go a month without having to wash them, if I wanted. And that is just t-shirts.
I am sleeping in my bed for the first time this summer, because I have finally been able to clear it off to get to it, but there is just another pile of my displaced things somewhere else. As I remade my bed, I pulled off the top blanket. "I'm giving you away," I said to myself. Thus began the bag of blankets and pillows and toys that I am doing away with.
Cleaning my room is necessarily a long and lonely process for me, because I hate having people going through my stuff. It's easier to control if I do it myself, but it is also considerably slower. I am forced to spend a great deal of time in my own mind, which, as Anne Lamott writes, "is a neighborhood I try not to go into alone."
I began to reflect on the idea of simple living, of only taking what you need or will use. I have piles and piles of things that I have not touched in years; that is not simple. I have three months of tops to wear; that is not simple. I have stacks of papers that I will never look at again; that is not simple.
I get a lot of flack for being a pack rat, and though those tendencies do run very deep on my mother's side, I am working to adopt a new philosophy of stuff: use it or lose it. I'm not buying books anymore, unless I have read them and am compelled to buy them (we'll see how long this lasts). I am recycling as much of the backed up paperwork as I can. I am getting rid of clothes and blankets and pillows, in the hope that someone, somewhere, will actually use them. I don't want someone else to be cold because I had to have my fleece blanket sitting in my room.
There's this concept of "detachment" that I am trying to have with all things: don't be so invested in things that you forget about what's really important. What matters are the people around you, all those whom you love, even if you have not met them and will never meet them. All we can do is make sure that we only take our fair share. How would I define "fair share"? Only what you can use.
I'm not an FVM quite yet. I am priming myself by embracing as much of a simple lifestyle as I can right now, but simplicity is something I hope to continue cultivating long after I finish my term as a volunteer. I wrote in my application that simple living was only a beginning, and I truly mean that. Simple living allows one to live an uncluttered life, both literally and figuratively. Without clutter, it's easier to recognize what things around you. I live simply that I may more easily recognize God in all things. And that, as I see it, is only the beginning.
Peace and all good,
Rachel
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